Road to Nowhere
by do.you.care.enough
Summary: It had been so long since I'd seen him last and being around him made me feel so complete..." Rory and Jess. After Season 7, after Rory's campaign reporting job. Read it! You're dying to, I can already tell.
1. Chapter One: Too Easy

Road to Nowhere

By DoYouCareEnough

"Our problems seem so small

But they grow on us like gravity

And gravity makes us fall."

-Relient k,

"The Only Thing Worse Than Beating a Dead Horse is Betting On One"

**************

Prologue

Too Easy

The sky was nearly pitch black though it was only noon. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and the rain poured in big, fat droplets, bouncing off the pavement. I saw lightning flash across the sky, and what seemed like the entire world lit up. My suede boots _thunked _on the sidewalk, and I quickened my pace.

It was like I couldn't get there fast enough. The streets loomed on contemptuously in front of me, and I swear they were getting longer as I continued on. Maybe I would never be able to get off this street.

My mind was just stuck on everything. My brain was a complete mess of memories, regrets, worries, and desperate desires to fix things.

I needed him.

God, how I needed him.

I quickened my pace once again, until I was in a full-out sprint. I slid on an icy part of the sidewalk, and swallowed a scream while grabbing onto a light pole, re-gaining my balance.

Finally I found it.

Truncheon Books.

I walked inside, trying to catch my breath, and found Jess by a painting. It was an abstract thing, with tons of bright colors and odd shapes all melding together so amorphous yet so graceful as well.

"Jess." I say, and he turns around. When he recognizes who I am, his eyes pop open.

"Rory. What are- What are you doing here?" He stammers, looking more than just a little confused. I take a deep breath, push a strand of hair out my eyes, and start talking.

"I am so, so sorry. Everything you said was right. Logan- he's a jerk. I needed to fix things, and I didn't fix my relationship with him. I was a jerk to you, also. And I'm so sorry. But, Jess. I'm not going to hurt you again. Please take me back, please." I inhale then exhale sharply, my heart racing a million miles a minute.

Jess just looks at me carefully for a few long moments.

"Okay." He says, looking very, very sure of himself.

"That was easy. Too easy. Aren't you going to question me? Ask if I'm serious?" He shakes his head. "Wow."

He smiles. "Yeah. Wow."

Jess takes a step forward, and kisses me. Long and full of longing, the kiss was better than any other kiss I've ever had before.

We break away, and I never look back.

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Read and review. Constructive critism so much more than welcome. If there's a good response, I'll continue. If not, I suppose I'll just write it for my own enjoyment. (Tear, tear.)

Peace out!


	2. Chapter Two: Blissed

Chapter Two

Blissed

He didn't come back. I, however, came to him. After everything I'd put him through since he'd showed up at Yale and when I went to Truncheon and all the many times we'd talked on the phone since then… I owed it to him to go where he wanted, instead of making him live in Stars Hollow, which, I'm sorry to say, he still didn't like very much.

Our first night together was possibly the most amazing night of my life.

"I missed you." I say quietly. We're laying together in a giant field in a park, looking up at the nighttime sky. It seems terribly cliché for two people who were in love to be doing this, but I didn't care. All we needed was a picnic basket and a red and white checkered blanket and we'd be something right out of a Disney Channel Movie.

"I doubt that. You've been pretty happy every time I've talked to you."

That was heartbreaking. If only Jess knew how much I'd really needed him in all of these past years… He would seriously contemplate taking back what he'd just uttered not seconds ago.

My entire being need him. Like a pregnant woman craved a peanut butter and pickles sandwich, I craved him. (I know that's not a very poetic way to put that.) Sometimes, when I was in Dean or Logan's arms, I would imagine what it would be like to be in Jess' arms. What it would be like if it was his lips on my neck, what it would be like if _he_ was the one who's hands were unbuttoning my shirt… What it would be like if I was sighing _his _name.

Crap. The entire thought of it was enough to make my head spin.

I leaned over and kissed him for the possibly the hundredth time tonight. His hands found the small of my back and I groaned a little.

God, how I needed him. Being in Jess' presence made me so unbelievably… blissful. That's it. Full of bliss. It had been so long since I'd seen him last and being around him made me feel so complete… Damn. Was it against the law for someone to be so appealing to another person? It had to be. No one should have this much control over another person.

I broke my mouth away so that I could catch my breath, and then hitched my legs around his waist. The gesture made him moan quietly, and the sound took me away.

Nu-uh. He had _way _too much control over me.

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Read and review! Read and review! Read and review! And I'm serious about that constructive critisism thing... I really do want to know what you like and what you don't like... So review! (Ha. I'm shameless.)


	3. Chapter Three: Always There

Chapter Three

Always There

Jess went to work at Truncheon the next morning, and I was left alone to sit in the apartment by myself. I looked through his books and music, and made a list of books I'd read and songs I'd listened to since I'd seen him last so I could update his library. I also reminded myself to convince him to get an iPod instead of carting around a million CDs.

The memories of the night before were still fresh in my mind, and it was hard to concentrate when I couldn't stop hearing his voice, couldn't stop feeling his hands on me. My entire being craved to be with him again. It was nearly impossible to wait the hours I had to.

I wrote a long letter to my mother, explaining everything. Right at the moment, I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle her ranting about Jess. He was so high up on her blacklist that it wouldn't' be worth it to call her. Though I wanted to hear her voice, I would just have to wait until I was a little saner.

It was a contrastingly sunny day compared to yesterday, I noticed when I looked out his one window that didn't look straight into a big brick building. They sky was a brilliant blue, and the very green, leafy trees were a good contrast to the sky. There were only a few big, puffy clouds that were weirdly puffy. I briefly imagined an angel strumming a harp while laying on one of them. I've never been big on God, but sometimes, when I see stuff in nature it's kind of hard to believe that it's all an accident.

I saw a woman walking down the sidewalk with a stack of books in her arms that reached her nose. My mind instantly went to Paris. I wondered how Paris was doing in medical school. She would be what- third year, now? I kept imagining her working at an actual hospital now. It sort of made me laugh. I pictured her working at the hospital from _ER_, with Anthony Edwards at her side. I also imagined her getting stuck with every annoying, screaming kid out there. The thought made me laugh.

I fell asleep at one point, and I dreamt a really weird dream.

I was back in Stars Hollow, and I was walking through the streets. Everything was in Technicolor; the brightness hurt my eyes. It seemed as though every resident of the town was outside. I couldn't hear anything, but I could see their mouths moving. As I walked by, people gave me disapproving looks and whispered to the person next to them.

When I reached the diner, Mom was behind the counter with Luke. When they caught sight of me, they just shook their heads and headed to the apartment upstairs. I chased after them, pleading for them to listen to me. They said something back, but I still couldn't hear it. When I made it up the steps, they slammed the door in my face.

That's when I woke up.

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A/N: Review please. Review are awesome... As are you all.


	4. Chapter Four: Because He Told Me To

Chapter Four

Because He Told Me To

Jess' lips were at my throat, and I heard his gravelly avowal through unbelieving ears. The words were possibly the sweetest thing I'd ever heard, and I'd heard some saccharine things in my life.

The three syllables rang over and over in my head. I contemplated them, reflected my own feelings towards them, all the while over-thinking them. It was beyond incredible to hear those words coming out of his mouth.

I thought of all the times those words had been said to me over the years, and not one time was more pleasant than this. Not one time made me skin tingle, made my heart race and my breathing catch.

My dad had said these words to my mother many, many times. Each time she believed it, and each time he usually hurt her. These words are probably the most precarious things you could ever say to someone. You were setting yourself up for hurt most of the time. Because these words could be flaky. People said them way too much. They said them without thinking it through, said them without any real cause or rhyme or reason.

I'd been broken up with once because I didn't say the words. I didn't know if I'd meant them or not. Wasn't it better to not say anything than to lie? I think it had been a hit to Dean's ego more than anything. I'd said the words to Logan on more than one account because it felt easy, natural. Like saying "I love food," the words felt so right. But, at the same time, it didn't really mean anything every time I said it.

Had I ever said those words to Jess? I couldn't remember a time when I had. But those memories were obscure, and foreign. The first year that I'd known him was full of disquiet and trial. I was constantly denying my feelings for Jess while trying to stay true to Dean. It was sort of insane, the way I'd chosen Dean time and time again over Jess. Though Dean was safe, was familiar, and had the whole first-boyfriend thing going, he was nothing compared to Jess.

My mother's words rang through my head. "The other woman." I didn't like fitting those words to myself. There was nothing I'd regretted more than doing that.

It was kind of funny, in a morbid way, that if I had gone with Jess that night he came to Yale, not only would I have been with Jess longer, I wouldn't have ever been "the other woman."

It took me only a few seconds to contemplate these things. My brain was working oddly quick tonight. I looked up at Jess, and I believed his words more than I've ever believed anything, ever.

"I love you." Was what he said.

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A/N: Read and review! Tell me what you like, what you didn't like. You know the drill.


	5. Chapter Five: Rise and Fall, Always

Chapter Five

Rise and Fall, Always

Jess and I never really had the talk. The talk about where we're going and what we're doing. I think in a weird way we knew. Everything that had happened between us in the past seemed to all lead to this, and we knew that things were going to be fine. At the very least, I knew this. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. But Jess didn't seem to be worrying, so I didn't worry.

We walked through the streets of Philadelphia hand-in-hand as I contemplated this. Jess' face was totally devoid of any emotion, and he didn't say anything as we walked.

The skies were dark, like it was going to rain. The wind was blowing violently, and my hair whipped around uncontrollably. The sun shone weakly through the patches of sky that weren't cloud-covered, giving the whole world a creepy green look. Like the sky was sick or something equally weird.

I needed him. Every second that passed made it worse and worse and God, so much worse. His voice lights me up, makes me happy, makes my free. I laugh when he laughs, I feel his joy like it was my own, and feel his pain likewise.

Jess got a call this morning saying that Jimmy died.

Drug overdose.

I can tell that it's not his father's death that's really killing him, it's the fact that his death _isn't_ killing Jess that's making Jess so unbelievably guilty. He thinks that he should be obligated to be in agony, but he's just not.

"Don't be afraid." I say. "Everything will be okay." I kiss his cheek, and he pulls me into a long hug.

"I don't know what to feel… I'm so confused." He says, more open and honest than I've ever thought was possible for Jess Mariano. As he says the words, I pull back a little, and look deeply and fiercely into his dark brown eyes, as though by sheer determination and willpower, I'll take his pain away. But I know there's only one thing I can really do: be there for him as he falls and as he rises, be there for every up and down and tragedy and happy thing…

"That's why I'm here." I say.

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A/N: I don't know why I feel the need to kill Jimmy I guess I just like having scenarios that have Rory step up and be the strong one for Jess. But that's just me.

Read and review. I've been so surprised for the good response to this story… You guys are way too good to me.

Last thing: I'm now a beta-reader, so let me know if you want me to beta for you. I'm totally willing and happy to do it, especially with Gilmore Girls writers.


	6. Chapter Six: Flooding Memories

Chapter Six

Flooding Memories

Jess didn't go to his father's funeral. I'm not sure what finally convinced him not to go, but somehow something clicked in his brain, and Jess decided that it wouldn't be of any gain for him to go.

I supported his decision, not out agreement, but for the simple fact that I was going to support whatever he did. Within reason, of course. I can't see myself holding the shovel for him when he goes to deface Jimmy's casket. Even so, I trusted that Jess would make the right decision for himself in the end. And anyone who disagreed with that would just have to deal.

The day of Jimmy's funeral was a sunny, beautiful day. The sky was an astounding azure, and the large, puffy, pallid clouds crowded the sky. The sun shone way too brightly, so that it hurt my eyes if I didn't have sunglasses. Jess spent the day in bed, and whenever I sneaked a peak at him, I could hear his quiet cries all too clearly.

I longed immeasurably to comfort him, but I knew this was something that Jess would have to go through by himself right now. And when he reached that point where he'd listen to someone who reached out, I'd be right there, ready for him and everything he needed.

That day did come, and we spent that whole day talking and crying together for everything that had happened in the past, with his father and without. We voiced our pains, uttered our happiness from times past. We re-lived every memory we'd had together in High School, talking about the good, the bad, the ugly.

At one point that day, or maybe it was night by then, his mouth grazed my ear, and he whispered, soft as ever, "I forgive you for it all."

That was right after I'd apologized for leaving him that night when I went to Truncheon. I apologized for kissing him, for giving him high hopes and then crushing them in one single moment. I'd caused him immeasurable pain, and I was so sorry.

Those six simple words caught my breath, and they brought such release that it was insane.

God, how I loved him.

Love, love, love. What would I do without his love? The parts of my life, from when he'd left on that bus to when I'd gone to him that rainy night, were so empty and bleak and meaningless that it was hard to think of it.

But my life now was so full, so full that it was overflowing. My life was in Technicolor, was so bright and fast and unbelievable that I don't know how I could possibly go on if Jess left. I think that I would quite possibly cease to exist… Even if I was there in body, my spirit, my essence, my reason for living would be far, far gone away.

So I prayed that he would never leave me.

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A/N: Did you like it? Even if you didn't, review anyway. I'm not sure how many chapters I'm going to have, but I'm having a lot of fun with this so no end if really in sight. Since the chapters are going to be as short as they've been in the first six, it will be a lot easier to keep it going than if they were full length.

So review, review, review. Criticism, extol, or anything in between is so, so welcome! So hit that button at the bottom of your screen. Come on… All of the cool kids are doing it!


	7. Chapter Seven: Confused

Chapter Seven

Confused

It wasn't like I meant to piss him off. All I said was that the book he wanted to get from Barnes & Noble was retarded looking. I said it looked like something an idiot would read.

What was weird was that Jess and I say shit like that all the time. Like when I read _The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants_, he made merciless fun of me for it. Like, I went to Yale so shouldn't I be reading something a little smarter than a book about a group of girls that share a pair of pants? Like, is someone loosing IQ points? I'd shot back that he was making me stupid, and then had picked fun at his guilty pleasure _It_ by Stephen King. A fracking demon _clown_? How lame can you get?

Anywho, Jess got really ticked when I made fun of his book. It didn't help that I shot back, "Are you on your period or something?" That _really _ticked him off, and I felt kind of bad for that.

"You don't even know anything, Rory! So just stop talking." He'd walked off in the other direction, and I'd just stood there with me mouth half-open. Really? Was he seriously getting pissed off over this?

Damnit.

I'd made my purchase and had gone to where he was looking at a non-fiction book about the Cold War, and had asked if he was too mad to take me home. He'd just slammed the book down and had started off in the direction of the exit. I'd practically had to run to keep up with Jess, and I was barely in the car when he took off towards our apartment.

He didn't say anything in the car ride, nor did I. If he was going to be immature, then I could go 1st grade all over his ass.

Jess ran inside and slammed the bedroom door. I guess we weren't going to go Dr. Phil and talk this out. Whatever.

I felt bad that Jess never got the book. I didn't mean to make him feel stupid or anything. But what ticks me off is that he's _Jess_, for God's sake. Mr. The-World-Can-Kiss-My-Ass. Why did he care if I thought the book was stupid?

I didn't go to sleep the night. I was too wired and, besides, I didn't want to sleep on the couch.

Jess froze me out for the next two days as well.

What had I done?

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A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update.

To say sorry, Chapter Eight is up as well. Go check it out. After you review this chapter, *ofcourse*


	8. Chapter Eight: In the Darkness

Chapter Eight

In the Darkness

"I didn't mean it. God, Jess. I'm sorry," I said on the third day of the freeze-out. "Please talk to me."

Jess was facing away from me, walking towards the refrigerator, and when he turned around to face me I saw that there were tears in his eyes. Whoa. _Tears_?

"Talk to me, Jess. _Please_." He opened up his arms and I practically fell into them, I was so shocked. I wrapped my arms tight around his body, and he did the same to me. "I don't know what's going on. You have to tell me." This obviously wasn't about what was said in the bookstore. This was obviously something much, much deeper.

Jess' pain was so apparent that it was almost tangible. It hurt me so bad to see him hurting that it was like a knife in the stomach. His tears fell onto the top of my head, and I felt him shaking in his silent sobs. Oh, God. This had to be big. He wasn't just crying he was _sobbing_. As much as Jess had changed, it was still huge that he had broken down like this.

"Jimmy wrote me a letter," he cried, finally. My mind raced to understand, but I couldn't. Jimmy was dead. "He did right before he died" I thought carefully, trying not only to ponder and analyze his words, but to think of a reply that would help.

"What did the letter say?" seemed to be safe.

"He apologized. For everything. Said that if he could go back and change everything, he would. He said that he wouldn't leave, would be a part of my life. He said that he was going to kill himself three days after he sent the letter. He did the day after I got the letter. He said that he was done with life, that there was nothing left for him anymore. He said that it was over, and that he wanted to let me know that he loved me for he died."

"Oh, Jess," I sighed, unable to think of anything else to say.

"I didn't do anything to stop it. I didn't call him. I just assumed he didn't mean it. I thought he wanted attention or wanted me to come so he could get money or something… I never would have thought in a million years that he was being serious."

"It's not your fault, babe. It's so not your fault."

"I could have done something," he sobbed.

"No, Jess. This was his decision. There was nothing you could have done. He'd obviously decided way before you got the letter. Don't beat yourself up, baby…"

"I'm sorry I yelled at you and ignored you. God, I'm terrible. First I let my father die and then I hurt you."

"Don't worry about it. You were going through so much." I feel tears falling from my own eyes, and I sniffle a little. Poor Jess. He'd been going through this all on his own. Then I think of something. "Jess? Why didn't you come and talk to me?" I ask, pulling away so that I can look at him clearly.

Jess looks up at me through red eyes and shakes his head. "I don't know. I really don't know." And he collapses into tears again.

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A/N: Ugh. Poor Jess... He's all broken and whatnot.

Please read and review and, yes, I am sorry for taking so long to update. From now on I'll be updating every week, either on Friday or Monday.

Also, remember I'm a beta reader if you're looking for one.


	9. Chapter Nine: The One I'm Waiting For

Chapter Nine

The One I'm Waiting For

*****

"That's what you get when you let your heart win

I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating…"

-Paramore, "That's What You Get"

*****

Fat, heavy rain drops fell steadily and swiftly from sky to earth. They plopped to the ground with an audible noise, and whenever I looked up, I got pelted in the face with them. I was drenched form head-to-toe in warm water, but I didn't honestly care. I was just a bit too blissed-out to have any worries right now.

Jess' hand was linked with mine, and, though we didn't say much, we were both very content right now. Well, not content. Happy. So unbelievably happy. If someone began singing "If You're Happy And You Know It" I would be clapping louder than anyone. Well, clapping and stomping and jumping around like the idiot I am.

I look up at the sky, and see a little patch of sunlight that has escaped the thick clouds. For some reason this gives me hope; even in the darkest of times there is light coming at the end of the tunnel.

"I love you," I whisper into Jess' ear, and he grins. As we near an alleyway, he pulls me into it, and pushes me up against the wall with his body. His lips find mine carefully, and I can't help but smile as we kiss. I'm not sure what's happened to Jess lately—he went from being in the lowest of lows because of his father to just being… happy. All the time. No matter what. And it's not like I'm complaining (Hell yes, I love this!) but it's so weird. Weird in a good way.

Love is just really a weird thing. You burn bridges and ruin things all for one person but you can't bring yourself to fully regret it. Love makes you alive, makes you happy in a way that you never thought possible. You don't see the world the same way. All of a sudden you're seeing life and poetry and grace in things you wouldn't have thought before: thunderstorms, in a cactus, in _sports_. Things are happier, lighter. The little things don't get you down anymore. Whereas a lost set of keys had the tendency to ruin your day before, now it's like water of a duck's back.

My mind has been stuck on Jess lately. Like, I feel like I can barely think straight anymore. As though Jess and Jess alone can really keep my attention for longer than a five minutes. Which is good… Unless I'm at work and I find myself unable to write or read anything. I find myself reading the same line over and over again… Writing the same thought just in different words many times.

But, well, I guess that's the price of love.

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A/N: AHHH! I can barely wait to post Chapter Ten… I cannot possibly wait another week. Ugh, I'm dying of anticipation to see your reactions. Though it's inevitable, and possibly very, very predictable, to me it's still exciting. Let it begin! Let it begin!! LET IT BEGIN!!! (That's a line from "Bolt" in case you were wondering.)

Review this chapter and try to contain your excitement for Chapter Ten.


	10. Chapter Ten: Sweet Surrender

A/N: Can you handle this? The much awaited (at least by me) Chapter Ten. Here it is…

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Chapter Ten

Sweet Surrender

My entire presence craved him… My entire life was about him. I could keep going on everyday if it just meant being with him. Every breath I took was taken for him. Without him I should surely no longer exist. Like in _Wuthering Heights_, the "the universe would turn a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it." He's the anchor to my soul, holding me into place. I would overcome anything for him, would climb the highest of heights and the very depths of the seas. I would walk through fire, swim the seas, all of that jazz.

I contemplated all of this as the clock read 8:39 a.m.

The day was just beginning, and I felt no need to begin with it. I was content to be where I was right this moment… I hummed the tune to the song that sings, "I could spend my life in this sweet surrender/ I could stay lost in this moment forever…" Who sang that song? It was in that movie… The one with Bruce Willis…

Jess stirred, and all thought of cinema abruptly abandoned me.

He looked up at me, and reached behind him into his jeans pocket. He pulled something out, and held it up.

"Marry me, okay?" It wasn't a question, exactly, but the words were loaded in such a way to give me a say in the matter.

I looked at the object in his hands, and realized what it was. It was an engagement ring. A platinum band, with four diamonds all in a row, with small diamonds embedded right under the four bigger ones. There was no possible way that he could honestly pay for this but… It was so beautiful.

"Alright," I say, and he slips the ring onto that oh-so special finger on my left hand.

And I pray to God that it will stay there forever.

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A/N: WHOOHOO! ENGAGED! Yea-yea! Haha, did you all see it coming?

I've had this written for at least a month, and I've been pretty excited for it. And finally, oh so finally, it's happened. Rory and Jess, together forever? Or are they on a "Road to Nowhere"?


	11. Chapter Eleven: Dissipate

Chapter Eleven

Dissipate

*****

Because that's who we are and what we do. Wasting, wasting, wasting… That's all it is.

Wasting away…

We try to keep our hearts as one, keep our spirits and souls locked together so we never have to let go. You've got your bubble, your shield that keeps everything away. You're in your naïve bliss and it seems like nothing can touch you because you're in love, and what is more impenetrable than love?

I now know that answer to that: many, many things.

You like to think that love is invincible, you like to think that it never fails, but look all around you. Divorce, cheating, fall-outs. It happens way too much. So what makes you think that _your _love will work? Maybe solidity is a good thing. Maybe being alone is the way to go. You're only lonely when you're truly alone, and, well, there's people all around me right now.

His arms are around you, his lips are at your ear, but it feels wrong, fake. You kiss him back but the taste of him is bitter, like yourself. Because you know, God, you _know_.

You saw him. You saw the whole thing and you couldn't believe it.

Wasting away…

Your feelings scatter and shatter until they're nothing, and you can't believe that you were ever attracted to this man. You can't believe that the sound of his voice turned you on even when he was just asking for another beer. You can't believe that you ever trusted him with your greatest fears, hopes, and dreams. You can't believe that you put it all out there, that you let yourself fall, all the while thinking that he was going to catch you. You can't believe that he knows every last bit of you, you can't believe that in some ways he knows you better than yourself.

You can't believe that you gave him all of yourself, can't believe that you called the world your own, you can't believe that you were so ready to invest yourself truly, honestly, and wholly into this relationship.

You can't believe that you took that ring. Back then it was a sign of commitment and of love. It was the single greatest promise you'd ever received, and you cherished it. Now it's a mockery, a giant, flashing neon sign screaming how stupid you were to trust him again.

Then you're guilty. You went to him, not the other way around. You caught him by surprise, you let yourself and him get caught up in the moment. But why did he give in if he wasn't willing? Why did he offer you that ring if he wasn't ready to give himself up like you had?

No one forced him to, and that just makes you mad. Furious. Angry.

Your lips whisper the words, and you realize just how true they are. They describe you, your relationships, and your life to the dot. Two wimple words, four syllables, and an entire novel of meaning.

"Wasting away."

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A/N: I know this chapter doesn't make a lot of sense, but next chapter will clear it up a lot. This is fast-forwarded into the future by at least a month, and next chapter will go back in time, if that makes sense. Oh, and remember… "Road to Nowhere." AKA: not a happy ending, necessarily.

Also, sorry for taking so long to update. School just started and I've been lacking inspiration and time... Well, you all know how that goes.

Review! Review!! REVIEW!!!


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